The Swindler

“THE SWINDLER” By ABDULLATIF AHMED

TECHNICAL UNIVERSITY OF KENYA DEPT. JOURNALISM AND MASS COMMUNICATION ACJI/05607/2013S abdullatifahmed0@gmail.com

FADE IN:

INT. COFFEE SHOP- DAY

WILLIAM, a short fat man with a bulging stomach walks in. He is wearing a sleek black suit with gold watch, on his neck a gold chain, visible because he has unbuttoned the first two buttons of his tieless shirt. On his right hand three smartphones and on his left hand a car key. Behind him is ABIGAIL, a tall light lady with a thick wobbly bums. She is wearing a short tight dress that is exaggerating her posterior and on her hand a black suitcase.

WILLIAM

Let’s go sit at that corner, yes, yes there.

They walk to the corner booth and take a sit. William takes one of his phones and makes a call.

WILLIAM

You said you were at the coffee shop, where are you? I do not entertain lateness, I’m on a tight schedule young man.

VOICE (O.S)

Sorry sir, I am at the coffee shop, upstairs.

WILLIAM

What are you doing there? Come downstairs at the corner booth.

He hangs up the phone immediately.

WILLIAM

(Gently nodding his head sideways)

These recruits.

JAMES, a young campus student hurriedly walks towards the corner booth with a bag.

JAMES

Good afternoon sir, I’m sorry for being late.

He shakes William’s hand and then shakes Abigail’s hand and gives her a stare.

WILLIAM

It’s okay son, as long as you made it, take a sit. And I don’t like to be called sir, my name is William but people I work with call me Bill. And I hope you will be one of them.

JAMES

It would be an honor to work for you sir, I mean Mr. William. 

WILLIAM

Hehe! My P.A here read your CV and she was impressed. And believe me it’s hard to impress her. But as for me I don’t look at the papers, I look at the person, does he look trustworthy does he act the same. Looks alone can be…

A waiters suddenly comes an interrupts him.

WAITER

Excuse me, what can I get you?

WILLIAM

Oh yes I’m starving, get me a mushroom fillet steak, and I hope it comes with good chips. Yes, and what will you have James?

James quickly looks at the menu.

JAMES

Just house coffee for me please.

WILLIAM

That’s it? Eat boy, I don’t work with hungry people. Bill’s on the boss.

JAMES

Well then I’ll also have a beef burger please.

The waiter then looks at Abigail who just shakes her head to indicate she’s okay.

WAITER

Well then a mushroom fillet, one house coffee and a beef burger coming right up.

The waiter walks away.

WILLIAM

So where was I? Oh yeah your CV is good but do you have the equipment and skills for the job?

JAMES

I have the laptop with the right specifications and the hard disk but I could not find the software you specified in the ad.

WILLIAM

That’s not a problem just give it to Abigail and she will install it for you right now.

James opens his bag and removes a laptop and a hard disk and hands it to Abigail who opens the black briefcase and removes a flash disk and inserts it in the laptop.

ABIGAIL

Oh, this laptop can’t install the software directly, it needs the converter.

WILLIAM

It’s in the car, go get it.

ABIGAIL

I can’t unplug the laptop. It will interrupt the process and we could lose data.

WILLIAM

Abigail, why do you complicate things, just take the laptop to the car and install it from there.

Abigail takes the briefcase and James’ laptop and walks away. The waiter brings the food, William and James discuss while eating. Then suddenly William’s phone rings.

WILLIAM

Hello engineer. I hope you are calling me to say the project is ready. No, no, no. I cannot take this. I don’t care what the bank says, I’m losing millions here.

He hangs up the phone.

WILLIAM

These people want to bankrupt me James. The more that project is delayed the more millions I’m losing. That’s money I could have been giving fellows like you who are willing to work.

The phone rings again.

WILLIAM

Let me sort this.

JAMES

Yes boss.

William walks out of the table talking to the phone and goes out of view. He leaves behind two phones on the table. James continues to eat his burger.

After a long while the waiter returns with the bill, neither William nor Abigail is in sight. James inspects the bill, it reads Ksh1950. He is comforted by the fact that William left behind two of his phones.

More time elapse, the waiter comes to clear the table. James is now worried and decided to take a close inspection of the two phones, the screens are made of paper, they are replicas!

JAMES

My laptop! My laptop! Oh no.

It finally hits him, he has been the victim of the swindler.  

FADE OUT:

The End

“A Town Mouse and A Country Mouse”

Technical University of Kenya

Creative Writing

Dr. Omwoha

Abdullatif Ahmed ACJI/05607/2013S

“A Town Mouse and A Country Mouse”

Dramatic Monologue

(The Town Mouse)

Oh the country, so quiet, so serene, so beautiful. The air here is fresh the ambience cool and calm. I could get used to this environment, well if it wasn’t for their barbaric lifestyle, surviving on roots like mere ants, ants surely.

I don’t think I can live without my sublime delicacies, I would start with oat meal, with a sprinkle of flour. Then I’d serve myself some figs and wash it down with honey. Oh the honey I can just feel it slipping down my throat. Then for dessert dates. Why am I torturing myself while all I can find here is country cabbage, and not even the good type. I can’t wait to reach home, to my larder and show my friend the luxuries he has been missing out on.

Oh my word, why are we using human path to walk. Don’t folks here have the technology to build tall houses and underground tunnels for us? I couldn’t imagine myself walking like this in town with all the traffic, the hustle and bustle. I wish there were tunnels here, travelling without stress, we could have passed by some underground fight club and see the rats fight each other. Anyway there’s nothing much going on here no wonder the humans let us travel on their path.

He just doesn’t know what’s in store for him, all the food he can eat, all the luxuries a mouse can ask for. If it was me I would not come back to live at this ragged place.

Oh there it is, skyscrapers over the horizon, heaven beckons.

  

Poetry

The City

The city rarely slumbers

The noises are never ending

People are at their numbers

When the chaos starts descending

Folks shuttling shoulder to shoulder

In the constant traffic rush

No one seems to bother

To just keep it shush

The larders are plenteous

The food is delicious

As tempting as it may be

It’s just too dangerous for me

It’s better to eat in the field

Roots of your own yield

Than to stay here concealed

With very little shield

My friend I don’t want to lie

I fear for my own

So I bid you goodbye

As I pack to go home.

Interview with the Country Mouse

Thank you for the interview Mr. Mouse, first I have to ask why Country Mouse?

Thank very much for hosting me, you people are always afraid of us. Well my name is quite obvious, I live in the countryside so I’m a county mouse.

Speaking of people is there a distinct difference between the people in the country and the ones you encountered in the town?

Oh yes there is a huge difference. The folks in the country tolerate us. Well actually they do more than just that, some treat us like family they are used to us. But the folks in the town are so cruelly, they are actually a threat to our survival.

Don’t you think it has something to do with the fact that you eat their foodstuff?

You see here is where the difference comes in. Us country mice rarely go to food stores of the country folks and steal their food. We go to the fields and look for roots and gather our own food. But the city mice go eat at the larders, that doesn’t please the humans much and hence the enmity.

And how did you find the city food?

Well I must admit, it was like nothing I’ve ever tasted before. But what’s the need to live on the edge like that, maybe mice in the city can manage but for me it’s a big no.

Do you think the city life affects the mortality rate of mice?

From the little I experienced I believe so.

Please elaborate.

Well I couldn’t survive there for a day. Living in such conditions is just a death wish. Apart from the hostile humans there is just too much noise and chaos, everything is always on the move. A mouse needs some peace and quiet.

So what is the ideal living conditions for a mouse?

Basically you look at two things safety and sustenance. It’s all about your life. Food keeps you going, you cannot leave where you cannot have a constant supply of food but then it doesn’t have to be luxurious foodstuff, especially not at the expense of you own life. You see my point, food should not draw you out so that the hostile humans kill you.

Are you not a risk taker Mr. Mouse?

Ha-ha city mice call us country ones yellow mice. They say we are cowards. It is true with great risks come great reward but I’d rather live long with my bantam sustenance.

You really are afraid to die aren’t you?

Who isn’t? And I hear these days the town fellows have devised ingenious means of killing us mice. They have these traps that act like metallic guards that imprison poor mice and torture them. And the worse ones are when they kill you without even being in the room. They put some poison in these delicious foods and you never eat again. Such perils cannot be found in the country.

So are you saying all mice should move to the country?

Well the country is awesome but it doesn’t mean its heaven, especially for those city jacks who are not used to it. For starters those foods they like are scarce here. Then there is the issue of natural predators like hawks and snake that ought to scare them away.

So you are afraid of city humans more than snakes?

Humans are unpredictable, they are intelligence and persistent. As for snakes you can easily know their M.O. Plus snakes only kill for food, there is plenty of that in the country. There are numerous times I’ve passed next to a snake and they just look at you, when they are full they are harmless. But as for human they’ll just kill you wherever they find you. Don’t our lives matter?

Give us your final remarks on this city and country life for mice.

First of all I want to say that no place is perfect for anyone. The city life has its pros and its cons the same with country life. What I can advise you to do is travel around and experience both living conditions and it is from that you can gauge which life suits you best.

If you like living on the edge and don’t mind all the noise then the city life is for you. The rewards are heavenly. But if you are like me and you prefer serenity and simple life then the countryside is what you will prefer.

Thank you for your time.

Thank you too.

  

The Body

Technical University of Kenya

Journalism and Media Studies

Creative Writing

Task: Write About Your Body

Dr. Omwoha

Abdullatif Ahmed Omar

ACJI/05607/2013S 

I can’t remember the last time I saw her because I didn’t imagine it being my last, however I do recall the last day I was to see her. I had saved about three thousand Kenyan shillings to treat her out, being young that was one colossal achievement. I resisted all temptation to spend even a penny of the cash, in fact the day before my mother asked me if I had some money I lend her, but I said I didn’t. I could tell she knew I was lying. That’s just how important the girl was. Sadly, she called me in tears and said, “My father won’t let me out”. I told her it’s alright because I knew it was not her fault even though deep down I was disheartened. “We could always meet some other time”, I said, “There is no need to cry”, I added. Four years down the line I still haven’t seen her yet. Check your tenses. When you decide to use past, follow through with it

We met in primary school, seven years earlier, I was a class ahead but her class could be matched by none. Her sophistication, her elegance, she finessed her way into everything. I don’t know how to describe her beauty but think of the most beautiful girl you’ve ever seen and then remove her flaws, and you will be there! If there is any truth to the phrase love at first sight this was it. Unfortunately, when she passed right next to me I froze. I could not move a muscle. Yes ladies and gentlemen, the girl of my dreams caused my body to betray me.

This was the beginning of a series of bodily malfunction. Every time she passed by /sat next to me I had some sort of glitch, like a virus in my system. That would be the time I suddenly lost words or my lips got instantly dry, damn it lips. My legs were like, “Yoh, bro I ain’t goin’ nowhere”. Now that I think about it I’m glad that we were still young and innocent, I can’t imagine other parts of my body malfunctioning, it could have been hard for me to take it, or even give it.

Now apparently I was too busy chickening out to notice that other boys were already making advances on her. Yes, kids do that. In fact there was this particular kid who was either super rich or just super generous. Probably both. He would collect all the girls and just buy them treats. Some days he would just come with chocolates and start handing them out, you know like a Kenyan politician looking for votes. A lot of casual language used here. I will take it with the thought that it’s the style you adapted so that your story can be interesting

All said, she was not gullible. Amidst all the attention and the gifts she got I still felt she ranked me higher. With everyone else she talked normally to and played with but with me she just stared. Long deep stares all from across the room. Every time I caught her staring there was this Lionel Ritchie song that played in my head.

I look at you
You look at me
You can't tell me you ain't feeling butterflies
It's obvious,
We have some chemistry…

This is when it hit me, maybe she felt the same way. So as any boy in my situation would have done I decided to man up. Let the reader know what song played in your head. You could quote one most important/sentimental line

It was a Friday. I chose Friday to launch my attack because I looked good in games kit. I cleaned up well and headed to her classroom. I asked myself “what’s the worst that can happen.” It was rhetorical but my head got me answers. She had a reputation of slapping guys who crossed her line, she had an arsenal of vocabulary and not to mention the oldest trick in the book of reporting to the teacher. With my wisdom I got into her classroom and had small talk with everyone except her. This time it was my head that failed me. How smooth.

Now my excuse was that there were too many people, there was a time we had the entire school to ourselves and I couldn’t even say hi. I don’t know if it was my stomach’s fault or my pancreas I just know I didn’t have the guts.

Well eventually I did grow some… and today I consider my body immune, until we meet again.

Planning to visit Maasai Ostrich Farm? You should read this!

As its name suggests, Maasai Ostrich Farm is a place where ostriches are bred for meat, eggs, feathers and to attract tourists, basically it is business dealing with ostriches.

Located 45 kilometers from Nairobi in Kitengela (Kajiado County), the farm is literally in the middle of nowhere! Which might be a good thing if you are looking for serenity and a break from the hustle and bustle of the city life. Along the Nairobi-Namanga, there’s a big sign board directing you to an access road. The marram road is very poor to say the least, and makes the 10km distance seem like eternity, oh and by the way don’t think of going there when it has just rained heavily, unless you own a tractor! However, due to the remoteness of the route you might be lucky to see a zebra or two strolling around.

Now in the farm there are three activities, the ostrich ride, the farm tour and swimming. Apart from that, there is a restaurant and a side bar, there are swings and a beautiful garden where you can freely relax.

The ostrich ride will cost you sh300 on weekends and holidays and sh500 on weekdays, which I think is a major rip off considering you only get one small round. I mean even before you get comfortable the ride is over. That said, it is very fun while it lasts and a memorable experience. For those scared of the big birdy, don’t worry you will have ‘experts’ with you to make sure you have a safe ride.

Tourist riding an ostrich

On wards to the farm tour, which is a guided one where you will be taken around the farm. This will cost you sh300, and I think it’s worth it. Even though there are only two things to see (different ostriches and gigantic ostrich eggs) there’s much to learn. There’s also an incubator to hatch the eggs but due to its sensitive nature it’s not open to visitors. During the tour you should expect to carry fresh ostrich eggs that weigh about 1.4kg (though vary in size) and can feed up to 7 people. The egg goes for about sh3000. You should also carry the shell after its content has been gently blown out. The shell is sold for sh1000.

Empty ostrich egg shells

Complete ostrich egg

During the tour you will learn a lot about ostriches, you will be shown the different types as you pass the numerous stalls. The ostriches will also treat you with a racing spectacle! And if you are lucky you will see both the male and female ostriches perform a mating dance and actually mate!

Then there’s a pool, which is kind of swallow, maybe considering the average swimmers out there. Swimming will cost you sh300. It is advisable due to the high temperatures of Kajiado County.

Ostrich Farm Swimming Pool

There makuti roofed hotels are beautiful! They serve their famous char-grilled ostrich meat (which is to die for I tell you), ostrich eggs and other cuisines. There is also ‘mbuni choma’, ostrich barbeque.

There’s also a tennis court, which seemed a little out of shape, swings and slides for the kids, an averaged weight adult may also find the swings as fun and beautifully kempt gardens in all corners.

For those interested in accommodation, there are private cottages that looked very beautiful from the outside which cost sh8000 to spend in. Which I can’t comment on the worth.  

All in all I think it’s a place worth visiting at least once a year.

Karimbuni! Hehe pun intended.

30 GREAT QUOTES FROM THE LEGENDARY MUHAMMAD ALI

Globally renowned as being the greatest professional boxer and a 20th century idol, the late Muhammad Ali was also an activist, civil right champion and a poet.

If there was one thing Muhammad Ali was better at than boxing was his way with words. He proclaimed himself 'the greatest of all time'. Below are 30 of his famous quotes.

'Float like a butterfly, Sting like a bee, your hands can't hit, what your eyes can't see.'

'If my mind can conceive it, and my heart can believe it – then I can achieve it.'

'I'm not the greatest; I'm the double greatest. Not only do I knock 'em out, I pick the round.' 

'It's hard to be humble, when you're as great as I am.' 

To make America the greatest is my goal, so I beat the Russian and I beat the Pole. And for the USA won the medal of gold. The Greeks said you're better than the Cassius of old’.

'It's just a job. Grass grows, birds fly, waves pound the sand. I beat people up.'

'Live every day like it's your last because someday you're going to be right.' 

'A man who views the world the same at 50 as he did at 20 has wasted thirty years of his life.'

'I done wrestled with an alligator, I done tussled with a whale, handcuffed lightning, thrown thunder in jail; only last week I murdered a rock, injured a stone, hospitalized a brick. I'm so mean I make medicine sick.'

'I am so fast that last night I turned off the light switch and was in bed before the room was dark.' 

'Boxing is a lot of white men watching two black men beating each other up.'  

'Cassius Clay is a slave name. I didn't choose it, and I didn't want it. I am Muhammad Ali, a free name, and I insist people using it when speaking to me and of me.' 

'It will be a killer and a chiller and a thriller when I get the gorilla in Manila.'

'I hated every minute of training, but I said, 'Don't quit. Suffer now and live the rest of your life as a champion.' 

Demystifying the crowds in the Nairobi CBD

Demystifying the crowds in the Nairobi CBD

If you frequent around the Nairobi CBD you probably have noticed huge crowds especially around the Kenyan National Archives, commonly referred to as archives, and the August 7th Memorial Park, or as the locals call it ‘boom blast’. The crowds that gather are usually kept engrossed and amused by what they see or what they hear, but the fact remains that whatever is it that holds that much strangers together is very captivating. So to the million dollar question, is it genuine performance or just a crafty bamboozle to get unsuspecting suckers?

Crowd watching acrobats next to archives

I don’t know about other countries and how their people behave, but in Kenya it’s kind of our tradition to stop where there is a crowd and join them. That explains how about 85% of people got there, it’s what we do. We are the kind of people who are curious. And then there’s this 10%, these are usually the first people to stop and watch the entertainer. They are the ones that are genuinely impressed. Whether it’s a juggler, acrobats or football freestyler, these people are good at what they do.

Performers aside there are also herbalist, for luck of a better term. They usually tackle issues dealing with sexual performance and common diseases, all of which they offer a traditional or herbal solution. On whether their methods work or not is a bone of contention.  

That leaves us with the 5% who are neither interested in the center of attention nor attracted by the crowd mentality. They have their own agenda, taking advantage of distracted victims. This is a paradise for pick pockets and smooth fellas with quick hands.
Whatever the reason you have to stand in the middle of the street for entertainment, just make sure you are alert so as not to become a sucker of an ingenious hoodwink. 

HOMELAND SECURITY CAN TACKLE TERRORISM IN KENYA

My sincere condolences goes to the families and friends of the victims of the Garissa attack, may their souls and the souls of other victims of terrorist attacks rest in peace. The whole world prays...

Homeland security (HD), is a term that came about following the September 11 terrorist attack on U.S. soil. The concept of this independent security agency is to ensure a homeland that is safe, secure and resilient against terrorism and other attacks and also to reduce any damages in case of an attack.

A similar tactic can be applied here in Kenya. How many more innocent people must die before a change in approach is made? I mean we are not insane! Einstein however thinks otherwise.

Is it not embarrassing to see our enemies one step or rather one hundred steps ahead of us? Its not surprising since we do not have a special unit to specialise in such things. Moreover they now seem more intelligent than our security 'experts', a good example is the infamous law graduate terrorist, 'just a bullet in the diverse Al shabab arsenal' I suppose. They must be having engineers of all sorts, analyst, doctors, war tacticians and many more experts. Its is more of a war of brains than bullets. This leaves you wondering... What do we have on our side?

Now homeland security is all about intelligence. A completely independent unit with a specialised standard training characterised with more cognitive skills than the usual psychomotor skills. This counter terrorism agency should also contain a unit specialised in search and rescue, handy in hostage situations. Moreover they should have 'spys'... Yes. Deep cover operatives can be induced in suspected Al shabab groups. These agents can provide Intel from the inside and prevent attacks way before they happen. This can even lead authorities to the terrorist leaders. This might sound like a scene in one of the James Bond movies or Jack Bauer in 24 but it just might be what Kenya needs. Easier said than done though!

And to the 'imams' that radicalise our youths to terrorism you should know that Islam is peace and Jihad is not terrorism and killing of one innocent life is like killing the entire world! Jihad is usually translated as 'holy war' but its pure linguistic meaning is striving or struggling! The Arabic word for war is 'All harb'. Therefore Jihad is not a declaration of war towards other religions. It is an internal or external efforts to be a good Muslim, as well as working to INFORM others of the Islamic faith. There's no forcing anyone to religion! War is only to defend the religion and not to attack other religions! This is not what terrorist do!

I hope someone out there will hear my security plead. God help us all.

10 AMAZING FACTS ABOUT AFRICA!

Here is a couple of things you might not have known about Africa.

1. Robert Gabriel Mugabe, Zimbabwe's president is the most learned head of state with 7 degrees, two of which are masters. He is also the oldest African head of state and the second oldest in the world!

2. Somali got its first ATM on October 7, 2014!

3. George Weah of Liberia is the first man to win world, European and African player of the year in the same year!

4. Seychelles are the most educated Africans with literacy levels of 92% adults and 99% youths!

5. Samuel Eto'o is the highest paid footballer of all time. He received about £350,000 weekly in Russia 2011!

6. Angola has more Portuguese speakers than Portugal!

7. Zinedine Zidane wanted to play for Algeria, but the selector rejected him saying that there are many players like him in the team.

8. Ethiopia is Africa's oldest independent country, it has existed for over 3,000 years without being conolised!

9. Rwanda is a better country for gender equality than England and USA.

10. Zimbabwe is the only country in the world where everybody was a billionaire at one point!

CREDITS: Africa 2.0 Foundation

APRIL FOOLS FOOLISHNESS

Fools day, April 1st, is a day worldly recognised for playing harmless franks and hoaxes to friends and family with the aim of magnifying their foolishness.

Some pranks were actually funny however most were insensitive, weird and most of all lacked any sense of humour; like these two I witnessed today.

This dude in the comp lab literally broke one leg of a swing chair, then like a booby trap he placed it ready to embarrass unsuspecting victims. Seconds later a fine lady came sitting and shortly after her legs were flying high. It wasn't the most funniest sight, poor thing she got hurt! That dude felt foolish at the end. For God sakes its supposed to be harm less!

Now this other one is just insane! Imagine the most quiet person in a class, yes him! He goes around telling people "haha fools day! Gotcha!" You know that cheeky laugh you give after playing an awesome prank on someone? That's the one. After that he walks away leaving you wondering, looking all over your body or at what you are holding. You then become suspicious of anything you come across or do for the rest of the day! It makes you crazy!